Yes, as the title goes it is important for anyone to ditch the Negative Nancy’s which means distance yourself from people that bring in negativity into your life.
In my life friends play an important role, i need them to be myself and for an open talk. Any women would need few genuine friends by her side to keep her going. We women often need outlets to openly speak out our heart and which is why friends play an important role in our lives. As we age friends become our de-stressors, they are someone whom we look up to when we feel low. But at the same time we have to stay away from friends that pull us down, we need to ditch those negative Nancy’s.
We at times end up in wrong friendships that stresses us out more. Not all friendships end up right, we are human and are bound to make mistakes with our choices.
Friends are impactful, so it is important we pick the right one’s and stay away from those who keep ruining our happiness.
“It’s okay to cut out TOXIC friends out of your life. Blood ain’t thicker than peace of mind.”
Phew! its hard to keep up to your own expectations leave aside keeping up with other’s expectation. In India a woman enters into a whole new world of expectations once she gets married. Whether it is an arranged or a love marriage entering into a new family is a bag of new expectations. She is expected to adapt to this new family. Right from the daily chores, everything feels different for a woman in her in-laws place. No matter how she has been brought up, she is exposed to a mountain of expectations and wished to get in line with these expectations.
I grew up totally not getting into the kitchen since my mom didn’t really have the time to teach me how to cook. My mother was a working woman and since she was a teacher, she didn’t have time even to breathe. She had to cook for all of us, pack lunch, and then had to rush to school. Hers was a hurried life and because of which she didn’t really have the luxury of time to teach me nor could she ask for help. So i just grew up without being exposed to the household chores.
The pampering of the daughter in law does happen even in India but it lasts only for few days/months. If you do not know cooking, it doesn’t matter, you are expected to learn from your mother in law and a fair amount of learning time is of course given. The twist in the story begins when you are expected to follow the same cooking methodology as your mother in law, and the going gets tough when you have grown up as a rebel. For example my mother in law has this habit of cooking the Sambar (Sambar is a popular South Indian recipe which is a lentil-based vegetable stew or chowder, cooked with dal and tamarind broth.) and vegetable in the same thick bottomed pot. She cooks the sambar first, after it is done she transfers it to a different vessel and in the same pot which was used for sambar she cooks the vegetable. This was weird for me initially but somehow i have adapted to this style of cooking now. But when you are expected to change your style of doing things for even the smallest of the things, it really gets tough to keep up with the expectations.
As a working woman my mother could only focus on the basic household chores. She was never bound by the customary things related to festivities or any of the family related rituals. I grew up seeing a mother who had a simple routine life. But when i entered my husband’s family, the world here was entirely different. My mother in law has been a homemaker and she has this thing of going by the customs and does everything in a elaborate form. But i could do only what i could do and this is my family now, ofcourse i have learnt this art of cooking but certain things i have chosen to do it my way. After all its my life.
We humans are social creatures and we obviously like socializing with people. I currently live in a large society consisting of almost 1000 flats spread across 10 different blocks. Earlier i resided in a comparatively smaller society with just 300 flats approximately. Life was easy then when i used to reside in a smaller society as i really didn’t have the opportunity to mingle or socialize with people. It was a pretty hectic life as i was working and the working hours along with the travel time to & from office kept me busy most part of the day. So i barely had time to get to know people. Now in my current apartment where we are the owners of our flat, i have made my gang of friends and since i have been here for almost 4 years now being one of the initial occupants i am a familiar face in our apartment. But getting to know people and socializing is little complicated, because people are different. When you start getting along with many people that too in a large society like ours, you are bound to being judged. There will be gossips making rounds about you and eventually will end up in ruining relationships with people you have been friends with. Somewhere down the lane the friendliness is spoiled due to too much of bitching and gossips that circulate. You would be pushed to feel at some point that life would have been much easy without getting to know people. In my earlier apartment as i didn’t socialize much it was easy for me to come out and do my small talks with people. I was confident to talk to people as i was still a stranger to them and was quite comfortable as i knew they are not going to judge me. But the current scenario in my apartment is not so friendly, me being a familiar face i am not able go out and mingle with all the people i have known. It feels weird to face people whom you knew before who had gossiped about you behind your back. Because of the different perceptions of people that you get to hear, it isn’t easy anymore to even have small talks with certain people.
To sum up as per my experience socializing brings with it both positivity and negativity and this holds true as long as people are different.
Being a homemaker/stay at home mom/housewife is always a demanding job. Our plates are always overflowing with daily chores. As homemakers we fully own things about our home, kids, husband, in-laws and a big list of things to do keeps us on our feet. The clock keeps ticking in our minds, and we are always thinking about what chore needs our immediate attention. Though we complete our daily chores, we end up feeling incomplete unless we have spent some quality time on ourselves. The ‘Me Time’ that we take for ourselves brings a sense of feeling complete and immense satisfaction. So spend some time for yourself by doing what you like. I am passionate about writing and reading witty stuff. So i take out time to write my blog and at the same time enjoy reading interesting blogs by some great writers on WordPress. The ‘me time’ helps me stay contended and happy. Once you allot yourself a fixed time slot for doing what you like in a day, you will automatically plan things accordingly. The taste of satisfaction you get from ‘Me Time’ will keep you going without getting bored about mundane tasks.
In this fast paced journey of life, we all need time for ourselves to give us a sense of joy and feeling complete. Especially for us homemakers, it is essential that we spend quality time for ourselves which will only act as a driving force.
“Push Yourself >Because< No One Else Is Going To Do It For You”
Yes, as a working woman when you press the pause button and decide to quit your job for your family it does pain in the beginning, but bear in mind we are constantly working as mothers, sisters, wives, and daughters. Majority of the decisions that we take are always done keeping our family in mind. Its in our DNA, and we prioritize family over anything else. So it is only obvious that we end up deciding for our family.
Being a working woman or a housewife doesn’t really matter!
Given the fat packages and multiple avenues of entertainment, giving up one’s career for family is indeed a tough decision to make. But sometimes it does get really tough to hit the work-life balance, and the stress it causes takes a toll on us. We cannot give our 100 % to both work and family, either of the one will take a hit and we cannot afford if our family takes a hit.
To all women out there, lets not stress out on quitting our career, we are ‘constantly working’ just keep that in mind. Our health is important to “ours” more than it is to us. It’s okay to put your foot down and say this is how much i can take. It is equally true that sometimes saying ‘NO’ and pressing the stop button does end up bearing positive results.
Keep Rocking as Mothers, Wives, Sisters, Daughters….
In this present world, which is fully engulfed by social media, we often see people flashing quotes on their whats app status, Facebook wall, twitter handle and wherever they can. People either post quotes as a reaction to someone else’s posts or just express themselves through their convenient social media platform. The most popular quote among others is “Don’t Judge.” This quote is popular because people feel they are being judged all the time and they feel that people should be accepted as who they are, as their ‘real self’.
In a country like India with its rich culture and diverse people, its tough especially to go without being judged. There are thousands of unexamined beliefs rooted within the different cultures. With this era being ‘social media dominant’ this generation is kind of stuck between forward thinking, broader thought process and cultural ethics or beliefs. With Indian Women its all the more difficult. You will be judged if you do not go to temple often either as ‘Atheist’ or as ‘in-disciplined’. If you call your husband by his name in social gatherings, that may come across as disrespectful. Trust me! this happens still in modern societies or apartments located in metropolitan cities. We coexist with generation that accepts social drinking and a generation that still lives within the cultural boundaries. We as a society are evolving slowly into a modern culture but not on all aspects. We are a society that witnesses remarriages and divorces but at the same time there’s a section of people who are deep rooted in their culture and who still look down upon such acts of remarriage or divorce.
We women still cant express ourselves as social drinkers out in public without being criticized or looked down upon. We still can’t let our girl child to wear what they like without being criticized.
If you are a married women, living with in-laws and also a mother of two kids, you will be judged on multiple parameters. If you differ with your in-laws, and put forth your opinion, you will be judged as a stubborn and disrespectful daughter in law. As a mother if you are easy on your kids, you will be judged as an irresponsible mother. If you take a time out for yourself and spend time with your friends, you will be judged as selfish woman, unfit parent, blah, blah, blah…
So in a country like India, we women are being judged all the time. But thanks to social media which gives us the freedom to express ourselves. Its easy to shout out loud to people ‘this is me’ ‘this is who i am, my true self’. Don’t Judge!
I just want to relieve myself of feeling taken for granted by pouring in my thoughts on the same.
This happens to people who value relationships especially friends. Friends have been my lifeline all along in my life so far and they will continue to be important as far as my life is concerned. During my schooling days i was left on my own once i came back from school because both my parents were working. My mom was a school teacher and she took tutions after school hours basically to provide for the family as my dad’s income was not just enough. Both my parents worked late and reached home around 8 pm.
So after my school hours back home it was only hanging around with my friends. I enjoyed my time with friends and having fun with them playing around. Up to this day i still relish my memory spending time with my best friend during my high school days. We used to hang around together during recess time in school as she was a science student and i was a commerce student. We used to do combined studies for computer science which was fun. I used to go to my best friend’s house for combined study and stay overnight. We used to stay up until 2 in the night studying together. We used to roam together on weekends and we ended up spending time together during most part of our high school studies. You can never get back the kind of friendship you had during your school days. There would not be any ego between school friends, of course there would be fights but that would only strengthen the friendship.
But people change and their perception of friendship also changes with age. Now as i hit late 30’s i realize people don’t give too much importance to friendship, and i really think why? Friendship is a beautiful relationship where you can be yourself and trust completely. But i now see people become very sensitive to even light hearted comments. The small fights end up with big gaps. They carry grudges, unwanted egos and eventually the friendship just ends. When you go out of your way to patch the lost friendship you are belittled and just taken for granted.
But my theory of friendship will never change. Friends are always beautiful souls who keep your life upbeat and lively. Thank God i have always not given up on making new friends, though i have lost some in my journey i have gained few precious friends who are really genuine and love me for what i am.
So people my advice to you would be value your friendship and keep telling your friends how valuable they are to you, after all a friend is one person who loves you for who you are.